"It's been one week since we got to see. Cheatin' lovers and cousins that marry. Five days since they had the show, with the hermaphrodite, the slut and the crack ho. Three days since we heard the tale, about the guy who learned his woman was a she-male. Yesterday it occurred to me, that I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer. Holy cow, d'you see it last week? Well, they had this one freak, who sucker-punched his whole family. Do you recall when the brawl... became a total free-for-all? And Jerry's in the middle tryin' to be the referee. Hey, see the stripper with the implants? She likes to lap dance, and date the boyfriend of her mother. Now here comes Jerry's next guest, and it's a slugfest, 'cause it's her trailer trash brother. Nymphomaniac is back on crack. It's like "When Animals Attack". They all exhibit reprehensible behavior. Hit 'em in the nose, tear off their clothes. Step on their toes, that's how it goes. They get so violent they have to sign a waiver. They're always swearin', cursin', kickin' butt and pointin' blame, on the air? They don't care, they got no shame. There was one guy who I'm sure felt a little strange, when he found out that his wife had a sex change.They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly. They have a history of ripping off their shirts. It's been one week since they had the fight,with the Siamese twins and the transvestite. Five days since that awful brawl. They still haven't got the blood off the wall. It's been three days since the bitter feud, between the KKK and that gay Jewish black dude. Yesterday, finally dawned on me, I'm spendin' way too much time on that Jerry Springer.
male Springer guest: Baby, I've been sleepin' with your sister.
female Springer guest: Oh yeah, which one?
male Springer guest: All of 'em.
female Springer guest: Ah, well, I've been sleepin' with your best friend Jake.
male Springer guest: Yeah? W-Well, me too! And, I've been sleepin' with your dog Woofie!
female Springer guest: Woofie, you b*tch! Well I'm also sleepin' with your pet goat!
male Springer guest: That goat doesn't belong to you!
Once you start watchin', there's just no stoppin'. Your brain shuts down, then your IQ's droppin'. Jerry's the king of confrontation. He's a sensation. He puts the 'sin' in syndication. It's totally worthless, like a bad check. It's like a train wreck. Don't wanna stare, but you can't look away. Like Sally Jesse he does talk shows, but with more weirdos. The ratings jumping higher every day. If you've seen the show, well then you know. It's just as low as you can go. The guests are tacky and they're lacking in their hygiene, and pretty soon some ugly goon, comes in the room and then it's BOOM, in the face of some unsuspecting drag queen. Well, it's the kind of show where people scream obscenities. Yankin' hair, throwin' chairs at their hubbies. "Jerry! Jerry!" Now the crowd starts their favorite chant. Should I turn off my TV? I just can't, I have a tendency to watch it religiously. I have a history of taping each one. It's been one week since the show about psycho killers with problems they should work out. Five days since the big surprise, when some loser's wife said that she's still dating twenty guys. Three days since he interviewed a bunch of psychic porn star midgets who were all nude. Yesterday, it occurred to me that I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer. Tired of wastin' my time on that Jerry Springer. I've got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer.
Yeah Uno are you asleep again? Come over here and pull on my finger"